May.

May has been a month that I have grown (emotionally and physically - baby, baby, baby!) and that I have learned so much about myself, about my relationships, and just about life.


My husband has been away most of this month completing an internship, and it has left me hours upon hours to reflect on where I have been, how far I have come, and where I want to be in the future. Every day those reflections get jumbled. I trip over myself constantly, bringing up facts from the past, experiences that I do not ever want to have again, and others I look back on with great fondness. It can be quite confusing, this trying to figure out which direction I want my life to go, especially when my decisions and my actions involve others that I love very dearly. 


All of the confusion has brought me anger, jealousy, exhaustion, joy, regret, even hope. Talk about mixed up. That has been me this past month. When it seems that everything is perfect, something interrupts and creates turbulence. I guess that's life. And I guess I need to, in a way, expect that sort of thing. There is no such thing as perfect, but I had something so very close to that. I thought nothing negative would ever affect it. But that isn't life. Life is all about ups and down, hopes and regrets, successes and failures. And above all, the choice to forgive and the choice to forget. I believe this is one of the greatest gifts of life. The chance to look past what someone may have done, and the opportunity to work together toward a brighter future. 


I made that decision. I'm not lying on the ground getting walked all over. He loves me, and he made a mistake. And I vowed to him that I would love him absolutely, for better or for worse. This is worse. But we will make it better. I choose to forgive, and I am going to try with every inch of me to forget, so we can move on and continue this incredible journey that we have started together. Because that's exactly where I want my future to be. Together, with him.